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This is the dilemma a sexy beast of a would-be hero like I must face time to time.

The city, she calls to me, a siren song wailing for my approach to sooth its savage heart.

The wemmen, they call to me, a siren song wailing for my approach to sooth their sexy, sexy wants.

Usually both calls come at about the same time of day, around dusk, just after I get off the paying gig and before I settle for a night of watching I Love Lucy reruns until I fall asleep on the couch. Again.

Sometimes both calls come on the exact same day.

Ninety-nine percent of the time the wemmen win out.

Because, let’s face it, they’re much hotter than Pacific City.

The other one percent of the time I find myself sitting on the couch, watching Lucy whine to Ricky about something she did wrong. I’ve always thought Ricky beat Lucy when the cameras were off. I didn’t like Ricky.

Besides, the city calling, I wouldn’t even know what to do with myself. I mean, where does one go to find trouble and save the city? What does one do once they get there? What would I wear?

All moot. Tonight I found myself walking the streets with a pretty gal named McGill, who, of course, called herself Lil and would beat the crap out of you if you tried to call her Nancy. Believe me, I tried once and got the bruise to prove it.

Lil walked beside me, talking about her day, a co-worker’s woes poured upon her and now to me, using her hands as she spoke to express herself. She was a very expressive speaker. I more watched her talk then listened, her hands working, her lips working, her eyes bright and excited.

But there was something to our conversation today. She seemed a bit distant. Talking about nothing, avoiding actually talking to me, more talking around me. Like she was worried. Like something was up.

She stopped talking as she looked at me, gave me a look with a cocked eye brow and a smirk.

“What?” she said, as if I was silently accusing her of something.

“What ‘what’ Callas Forever psp

?”

“What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing, sorry, just watching you go.”

“But not listening?”

“I’m totally listening.”

“Then what did I just say?” I repeated it more or less verbatim. “Huh. OK,” she conceded. “So what do you want to eat?”

“Anything but Chinese.”

“What, being around it all day and reeking of it doesn’t make you want to eat it?”

“I reek of it?”

“A little.”

Damn, I knew I should have showered before I went out.

“Oh,” she said, grabbing my arm and stopping us, “tacos!”

She dragged me into the restaurant while I snickered. Quick decisions and subsequent reactions that dragged me to and fro kept this budding relationship interesting.

We both ordered and I let her pick where we’d sit, something I’d learned early on to do. Lil had an unnatural fear of windows. So I let her pick where to sit so she could find the comfort spot just far enough away from the window for her to feel safe. She hadn’t really explained to me why she was afraid of windows, just that she did and I accepted it at that. That she had to always face any open window or space forced me to compromise my undefended back awkwardness, but it was a small price to pay to hang out with her. I’d just look over my shoulder a lot.

“I haven’t had tacos in ages,” she said, grabbing her first one, fiddling with the contents to get them in just right before taking a bite.

“You can’t really go wrong with tacos.”

We both ate a few bites in silence, her clearly hungry, me having not eaten much all day so in the same boat. I was wiping some grease off my mouth when I decided to do a little small talk.

“You see that stuff with Millennium Man?”

She paused her chewing and looked at me as if I’d just said something off color.

“Where he killed that guy?” she mumbled with some food in her mouth, nodding as she swallowed. “That’s messed up.”

“Yeah,” I said, drifting off, letting my thoughts go for a moment.

“What about it?” she asked, bringing me back to the table.

“Well, just that it happened.”

“Is that it?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I mean, you brought it up outta no where. Sounds to me like there’s more to it than just that it happened.”

“Well, yeah, I guess. I mean, that’s kinda weird, him killing a guy like that and all. Just didn’t expect it, I guess.”

“Didn’t expect it? Are you a heroist?”

I laughed. “No, not like that, I don’t really follow them and all.”

“Uh huh. I’ve seen your scrapbooks.”

“Those are for kitten photos!”

She shook her head and took another bite.

“And well, OK, I’m paying attention is all. I’m a history buff.”

“You’re a history buff obsessed with heroes.”

“It’s research.”

“For what?”

“I… I don’t know. I’m just looking for something, a pattern, some information, something, I guess.”

“For what?”

I looked down to the table, through the table, and thought.

“Answers, I guess.”

She reached out and put her hand on top of one of mine, getting my attention back to her.

“Does this have to do with what happened…”

“No,” I said quickly, pulling my hand away, waving the idea off. “No, that… What can I do about that, you know? It happened, these guys beat whatever it was back, we’re safe.”

“But now they’re killing people.”

“One time, one person, and the dude tried to kill others before Millennium Man did what he did.”

We sat in silence for a bit, her staring at me, me not wanting to meet her eyes. I cleared my throat and decided to break the silence.

“How are your tacos?”

“Finished.”

I looked at her plate and she was right.

“Huh. I have to talk less, eat more.”

“I just eat faster than you. Hurry up so we can go out and play.”

“OK, OK,” I said, grabbing another taco. “You want this last one or…” I looked up to her and paused. She looked to be in thought, as if something just dawned on her, as if something might be wrong. “Lil? Are you OK?”

“What?” She looked at me. “Oh, yeah,” she said, shaking her head. “Just deja-vu.”

“Have I offered you taco before?”

“No, just…” She thought for a moment and shook her head again. “It’s nothing. Hurry up and eat. Time’s a’wasting!”

I ate.

* * *

We were laying on the rooftop of my apartment building, staring at the sky, trying to find stars beyond the city lights that reached forever into the heavens.

“What scares you, Jeffery?” she asked.

“What those tacos are going to do to my bowels.”

She punched me in the shoulder as we shared a laugh.

“No, really, what’s your greatest fear?”

“Greatest fear…” I pretended to have to think about it but already knew the answer. “I don’t know. What’s yours?”

“I asked you first.”

“Yeah, but I have to think about it, so while I’m thinking you can tell me yours.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Sure it is. What’s your greatest fear?”

“The future,” she said and I let it sink in before responding.

“The future?”

“The uncertainty of it. Our lack of control over it. The unavoidablity of it.”

“Well, isn’t the future what you make of it?”

“I guess. But you don’t really have control over reactions and how things really pan out.”

“I guess not.”

“So, yeah, I fear the future.”

“But do you look forward to it at all? The possibilities?”

“No,” she said with a sigh. “There aren’t so many possibilities, there’s just the future. It’s coming, we can’t stop it, and you really can’t change it.”

I rolled to my side to look at her. She looked terribly sad.

“You sound so certain. Maybe it’s not as bad as you think it’s going to be.”

“It is,” she said. “So what’s your greatest fear, Jeffery Carter?”

I laid back down, wanting to find out more about her fear of the future but knowing I’d have to give an answer first.

“Helplessness.”

“That’s a pretty big fear.”

“You betcha.”

“So you’re a control freak?”

“No, it’s not that,” I said, “it’s just, I… It’s not a control thing. It’s just… I guess it is a control thing. But it’s not being able to do something. It’s sitting on my ass while something happens and being completely helpless to stop it or change it or any of that. I can’t stand that. I can’t stand standing still, standing by. It sucks.”

“So you take control.”

“But there’s so much that needs to be done. I can’t stand that people are hurt, I can’t stand that there’s nothing I can do to change the world, nothing I can do to cure disease or solve world hunger.”

“That’s a bit big, don’t you think?”

“Look up in the skies. We’re surrounded by these science beings, these post moderns, these heroes, whatever you want to call them, but where are we? How far have we come thanks to them? Are we safer? Are we a better society thanks to them?”

“You don’t have to have powers to make a difference.”

“But powers or no, where do you start? There’s just so much to do, how do you get started?”

“You start small, you help one person, two people, they’ll help others, it’ll change the world.”

“That’s trusting the future, though,” I said, looking to her with a smirk.

“Smartass,” she said, pushing me a bit. “But you know what I mean.”

“I know. It’s just easier said than done.”

We laid in silence. She sat up and spun to look down at me.

“You can’t change the past, Jeffery.”

“I know,” I said, swallowing hard.

“All you can do is live for the future.”

“I know.”

“So what are you doing for the future?”

“I’m looking for answers.”

“Answers to what?”

I didn’t answer.

“Jeffery, you cannot change the past.”

I nodded.

“You cannot bring them back.”

“It’s not about bringing anyone back,” I said sharply. She didn’t deserve that. I sighed. “It’s about making sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“So go do what you’re meant to do.”

I laughed.

“I don’t know what that is.”

“Bullshit,” she said and it caught me off guard to hear her curse, to hear her tone. “Don’t make me tell you what you already know.”

“What’s that?”

“You were meant for great things, Jeffery.”

“I have a degree in history and work in a Chinese restaurant.”

“That’s not the end of it and you know it.” I just lay there and she sighed. “Jeffery, if you threw yourself off the edge of that building what would happen?”

I looked to her to figure out just where the hell that came from but I couldn’t read her face.

“Uh… I’d fall.”

“And then what?”

“I’d hit the ground and probably die.”

She shook her head.

“Jeffery…”

“Lil,” I pushed myself up, “what are you trying to say?”

“I’m trying to say that you’re capable of great things and you know it. But you’re stuck in the past and too goddamn scared to just jump.”

“How… What… Lil, where is this coming from?”

“The future, Jeffery. Your future, you just need to grab it.”

She looked away from me and out to the city past the edge of the roof. The wind kicked a bit, grabbed her hair and pulled it from her eyes that glistened with tears. I reached out to touch her cheek but she pushed my hand away.

“I knew this was going to happen,” she said, pushing herself to her feet and starting to walk away from me.

“What?” I started up after her. “Knew what was going to happen?”

“This, us, the future,” she spun on me. “The future I see, Jeffery, I’m afraid. Because it’s going to get worse before it gets better. For me. But it gets better. For you. You just have to go for it.”

“Lil, what are you talking about?”

“I’m not going to be around to see you do great things, Jeffery. I’m going to move. Somewhere. And there I’ll probably deal with my fear of windows and it’ll all be done for me.”

“What…” She put a finger on my lips.

“Jeffery,” she said, “this is what you must do. You must turn around, run, and jump off the edge of this building.” I went to speak. “You know you can do it,” she said. “You just don’t know where to begin. I’m telling you, this is where you begin. It’s destiny.”

I took her hand away from my face.

“I don’t believe in destiny, Lil.”

“Then think of it as history.”

“What happens, Lil? What are you so afraid of?”

“It’s not your future, Jeffery,” she said, leaning in and kissing me on the cheek. “Just mine. And this is where our paths diverge.”

She pulled back and gave me a weak smile before turning around and walking away.

I was confused as hell.

“Lil,” I shouted after her as she reached the door to the stairs. She turned to look to me. “What’ll I be wearing?”

She smiled, just like I wanted her to.

“You’ll be dressed to kill, Jeffery. Though the mask will need a bit of work.”

Anthology Two Presents…

Jeffery Carter:
“Pre-Game”
Where’s the Party Yaar? movie

My Girl full movie
by Jason S. Kenney

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